I caught myself today imagining all of the things I'm going to buy when I graduate and get real job. I often have this tendency, to forget what I've learned in the last twenty-two years of my life...the lesson that joy comes from the simple. It seems that whenever we imagine these things what makes them desirable isn't the material object...it's what we anticipate it will brings us...whether that be status, temporary high, or a sense of control. Yet, I always am wanting more...because every time I get something I realize it doesn't give me what I thought it would. Things just seem to clutter life; make it more complicated. There's nothing wrong these things by themselves, but I think it's how I attempt to chase the things that won't bring what I want. I want to feel connected, complete, and content. I keep having to be reminded that I feel these things when I am resting completely in the simple truths of life. Do you ever drive and see that sunset and get this warm feeling? This feeling that everything you were all worried about...simply doesn't matter anymore. Time seems to stand still and you grasp that moment and wish it to never end. In the Bible Jesus teaches us this truth about resting in the simple things in life. I am always drawn to the section of Psalms where it talks about lying in green pastures and led beside still waters. That's the feeling I want...to be at peace...that's what I feel in those moments of sunsets.

When I look back at my past I see so much of my time wasted in pursuit of true joy. It's like I don't want to believe what's really true. I must always seek to find out for myself whether the things of this world really aren't fulfilling, and it's taxing. One can acquire a lot of baggage from all these pursuits. My journey now is to clear my heart and my mind of all the memories of the past pursuits. A life spent chasing the world is so draining and when you're done there's a strong sense of boredom. The excitement you expected isn't there. The rush of rebellion has dissapeared, and all you are left with is a sense of what if...what if I hadn't wasted my time doing this or that but simply trusted that true fulfillment is found in God. I guess this is life though...that lesson. Some learn quicker than others. I continue to hope that finally...I've learned mine. So I set out on a quest to discover more of these moments of sunrises, these moments where I can truly feel that I am resting in the palm of a Savior. Sure I'll fall down again, and attempt to drift to other distractions but I pray I'm always pulled back up by the simple truths and that each fall opens my eyes wider.

"The Force"

Have you ever thought about the heart? ...not the muscle but the idea that we can't quite get our heads around but we through the word around like we can. Each person's "heart" reacts differently to everything. I watched a movie about sled dogs surviving the antarctic the other night I can't help but wonder how in the world I can care about dogs in a movie? How can a person care about anything? It's quite a wonder how the heart works...how we can feel anything. Emotions...we all feel them but no one knows where they come from. I suppose some would argue from the brain but still if it comes from the brain than where in the brain does all these feelings come from? The way a person sacrifices his life for his brother, what motivates that? One can't simply explain it away as a reaction in the brain to certain that are trained...it has to be bigger than that. If it was that simple we'd just be robots and just turn off our emotions. Maybe the heart is tied to the spirit, something free and independent of our physical beings. All I know is that it drives people to live and breath every day. We all feel the beating of our hearts but there's something deeper we feel all the time too...some in explainable force that's so dynamic and abstract. In the movie the owner can't sleep over these dogs, he travels across the country begging people to help him get to these dogs...dogs...if it was simply a brain thing that would never happen. Yet these emotions aren't just limited to hollywood flicks...we all experience. We all feel connected to life whether it be people or dogs. I recall Avatar again (yes I'm a big fan) when they talk about how the whole planet is connected through the trees and when they tap into this network amazing things happen. Well, I think our hearts our to them their trees. When we tap into each others hearts something amazing happens. It drives people crazy. I think it's what we live our lives for. What it is we feel connected too might vary but I think overall we're driven by our hearts. We're driven by this unknown force. But after all maybe I do really know what's behind all this. Maybe I do know where this force comes from. I guess it's why I believe what I believe. That there is something bigger than me in this life; and He has to be the source of this universal phenomenon. It only seems logical, when I look at the stories of that time He was here, on earth. He loved like know else ever has, it seems he had this force within him that was fully unleashed. The ability to truly love, to truly feel. Maybe it was the power behind all those miracles, all those powerful words that changed people's life.

Yeah, this isn't just some brain thing...it's God.