Life has a way of slapping us in the face sometimes…at times it feels more like a punch in the face. Falling to the ground afterwards wondering what just happened can be some of the most painful and confusing times of our lives. The questions of what happened to the life I loved and why is life so discouraging now. The fear of growing older doesn’t seem to go away. When you’re in a chapter of life you think the next chapter will be so much better than the one your in. Yet, we don’t foresee the trials and challenges that will meet us head on.
The last few days of my life have been some of the most challenging ones. I have never experienced as much anxiety in my life. The questions of where will my happiness come from now and the feeling that life just lost a lot of its excitement. I wish I could say that I’m over it but I’m not. After six nights I finally slept more than three hours; yet, when I woke up I had such a strong feeling of hopelessness. My life has literally been clinging to the promises and words of God. I have no doubt in my mind that my life is being changed right now…I have no doubt that when I look back on this time I will be blown away by how my life was transformed. But this knowledge and recognition does not change the fact that this time is painful. The hurt is real, the frustration is real and the deep deep emptiness I feel at times is not something I can just pray away. This has been one of the most challenging parts of this time. When bad things happen we often tend to try and pray them away. When we feel in pain we pray that the pain will go away…when it doesn’t we question the love and promises of God.
Through some friends and people in my life that have been amazing during this time I have learned that trials are not solved. Pain is not just cured. Prayer is not meant to be something that we use to wish away hard times. I have learned that God calls us to trust him. His promises are that He will be by our side during and through pain. His promises are that if we trust in Him, He will lead us out. He doesn’t say cry out to me and I will make it all better. The Bible says many times that following the path God has for us will be hard. We will fall down, we will feel discouraged, we will feel pain…but the important part is that all the while God will be the one who is carrying us on His back when we can’t go further. In the moment we don’t see it because our world is falling apart around us, but in hindsight we see how God came through for us, we see the beauty of His amazing, unfailing love, and we see the value in living a life bigger than ourselves. We see the value of doing hard things and following God. Stepping out will never be easy but the rewards are incomparable to anything else; this is something we have to believe in when we are in the hard times. We have to trust God that He is doing something amazing in our lives. These are the things we cling to when everything else in life is falling apart.
When we put our faith and trust in God, no matter how deep the pit we are in there will always be a light from above…there will always be the unfailing promise that we will have victory…because our life is not defined by the things of this earth.
Our lives are defined by eternity where are promises that the battle is already won…the pain is already overcome. When we begin to let go of our crutches here on earth and begin to run towards Him we will embark on a new journey…a scary journey. The trials will be great, but the rewards will be greater. The pain will be incredible but the hope will overcome. The cries will be the loudest but the joys will be greater than anything we thought we could experience. The Christian life is not the easiest, it is a hard life. However, the Christian life is the most exciting life. It is the most rewarding life. It is the most fulfilling, the most impactful, the most hopeful and the most joyous life.
So, as all of the safety nets of my life have fallen away, I have been forced to fully and completely trust in God for the first time in my life. It has been, and is the most frightening and difficult time in my life. But already it is apparent to me that I will never again be the person I was before. I feel like I have fallen in a pit, but the light from above has never been brighter, this alone makes it all worth it.
(written while stranded on the freeway…funny how moments like these get us thinking – inspired by Armin Van Buuren “Coming Home”)
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