shiver

What is it about the human experience that causes people to become so connected? We share simple words and go to some places together, yet as I write that I myself get defensive and say "well, it's more than that!" Somehow going through life next to someone connects us on a deeper level. Somehow living life connects all of humanity. I reminisce back to old relationships and to this day I can still feel the loss of broken relationships. We possess some unique and mystical ability to connect to one another in a beautiful and deep way. Life has its way of often betraying that and ripping it to pieces. Even if it's what we want and we know its right...it somehow never feels good. You always seem to feel as if that person still possess a physical piece of your heart! Some might say that's the persons fault for not guarding their heart. I think it doesn't matter -- if you ever go through some of life with a friend and you lose that it's as if they have stolen some parts of your memory and ran off.

What a fragile world we live in, filled with people scarred from past losses and scared of future ones. We tip toe around and cross our fingers in the anticipation of it happening again. It controls the way we talk, the people we see, the words we use. To what great heights I would go to avoid a lost friend, to avoid a broken heart. The disasters of the past haunt me in my daydreams and the unknowable future stares me in the face as a subtle fear takes over.

People and relationships are a precious thing. The efforts and behaviors of the world show that our desire to be loved and to love drive our every risk. Some nights I sit and watch the sky and think to myself "the pain, the joy, the sorrow, the exhilaration of all this is the best story ever." I find myself wishing for my life to be pulled from the pages of an epic fiction novel. The only this comes true is for me to jump off the edge and engage in this world around me. The only way is to embrace those hard times and set my eyes on those good times. I've spent many a dark days having forgotten what this life is all about. It's not about having a hurt free life. It's about getting hurt...and then getting healed. It's about falling down only to be surrounded by a love we never thought possible. You know that feeling? The one where suddenly a shiver is sent down your spine and you feel this warmth. It's that feeling where a sunrise just isn't a sunrise--it's like you just got dropped in that movie you've always wanted to be in. Where you say to yourself "this is life, and even though it's hard...it's good." Embrace the hard times and look to the horizon and know with confidence that something amazing is waiting there...something more beautiful and good than you could ever dream up is just down the road.