Fall seems to be coming and its been a long time since I last wrote much at all. I'm writing now because its getting cold out and I finally have a laptop. Writing in bed or in a coffee shop is always much better than sitting at a desk. Last time I wrote I said I wouldn't write again until I have actually done something with my. So now, what have I done!? Summer was a busy one. Between working, taking classes, weddings and trying to find a new job I had my moments of stress. As my schedule has settled down I am feeling a great feeling of peace and excitement at the same time. Some moments of my life I just don't think at all about what's in store for my future. But moments like the past few days have had me getting excited. I feel something coming. Everything in life seems to be falling in place. I'm in my last semester of school. I have a good job that I enjoy and I've moved into a house that offers a place of rest and safety for me....but then I get to thinking....
As I sit here I'm trying to think of the highlights of my summer as far what impacted me the most. It just all seems to be grouped into one thing...growing older. But I guess everyone does. Now, however, I have more of a sense than before that I am growing older. My friends are going their own directions now and it forces me to take a look at where I want to go and who I want to be. When we are young those questions aren't so strong. Now I have nights of just me with myself. It's on these nights that I ask the questions that everyone hates asking. "What am I doing right now?" "What do I need to do differently?" and "Why am I still living this same way?" I have found that as a stage of life comes to close I start to cherish things more. It makes a person live differently...to be on the brink of the end to something that changed the person you were. A simple conversation isn't taken for granted anymore. It is an interesting point to be at. To have everyone you are connected with around you setting courses for new places with new people...and yet I seem to still be drifting, simply taking it all in. I get to watch and see all that they are gaining and all that they are leaving behind. The question I keep coming back to is where do I fit in all of this? Do I simply fade into the world to do my own thing? How much were our lives intertwined before that they might affect our tomorrows?
Destiny is an interesting thing to think about....what are you destined to do. Who are you destined to know? What impact are you destined to have. Looking ahead things don't usually go our way...but looking back things usually worked out pretty good. This I must remember day-in and day-out. That I, in fact, do not know best. I am always trying to take the pen and write my own story...if that actually happened it'd probably be the worst story ever...filled with tragedy and no resolve....if only my story could get written a little faster...I'm feeling rather restless these days.
I guess this is welcome to fall then...and if I know myself very well, there will be many more of these posts that don't really make sense to come in this season. Don't worry...in a few hours I'll realize what I was really trying to say.
(Written in my favorite flannel shirt)
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