Times

Have you ever driven past a car accident or a burning house and the only things that come to mind are how irritating it is that traffic is slow, or how they must be a bad person, or remember if we turned the burner off? It's so easy to go through life with blinders on. When it's convenient we care about things other than ourselves, but often that's just so we can feel good about ourselves. What is it to truly give up one's self? To go through life caring about others more than ourselves...can we do it? So often I live my life in an ignorant state. My daily trials revolve around wanting to sleep in and how I wish I could buy cars and toys.

As I drove home today I thought about an accident I had heard about on the freeway. People had to be airlifted off of the scene. In that moment it struck me that the people involved in those accidents have had their lives dramatically altered. In a split second everything has changed. No longer are they wishing they could buy a new car or have more spending money. But, maybe instead they're wishing they could say one last word to a father...a mother...a daughter. The things we count as important and necessary are so relative. Too often we fail to look around and realize that this life is fragile...it's hard. If we don't hang on to God and have a continual trust in him there will be a time when we get knocked down so hard we don't think we can make.

James 1:2 says "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." In good times this is such a hard concept to swallow, the idea that trials are going to come are way. In bad times words like these are what we cling to. How can we merge those two moments, the good and bad, so that our attitude in life is more consistent?

If you were to graph the time I spend with God in His word and in prayer it would be directly related to how difficult or painful my life is. If only I could always cling to Him. If only I could learn to always be looking to him for my joy, for my sustenance, for my peace. This is a work in progress...I have no answer to wrap up these thoughts. It's something that I have been struggling with for days now.

What I do know is that life is hard...it doesn't get easier. The more I learn to always be looking to God the more peaceful and content my life will be. I leave with some lyrics. This song has meant so much to me these last five weeks. If I can embrace the truths that are found in it I feel I will have taken a big step in my relationship with God.

"i hear you say "my love is over,
its underneath, its inside, its in between
the times you doubt me, when you can't feel
the times that you've questioned 'is this for real?'
the times you've broken, the times that you mend
the times you hate me and the times that you bend
well my love is over, its underneath
its inside, its in between,
these times you're healing
and when your heart breaks
the times that you feel like you've fallen from grace
the times you're hurting
the times that you heal
the times you go hungry and *are tempted* to steal
in times of confusion and chaos and pain
im there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame
im there through your heartache
im there in the storm
my love i will keep you by my power alone
i dont care where you've fallen, where you have been
i'll never forsake you
my love never ends, it never ends"

-Tenth Avenue North "Times"