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Anxiety. My most hated enemy lately. Nothing seems more crippling than anxiety to me. This thing about control, it seems to be coming out in me much more strongly. I have found myself to be tested time and time again. I have been thinking a lot about where this anxiety comes from in order to eliminate it. Luke 16 talks about this idea of how you cannot serve two masters. You can only be devoted to one. These areas that I find myself feeling anxious over, they're things I'm devoted. The whole concept of controlling my surroundings and feelings has become this idol to me. When things are ripped from my control I can't handle it because I cling to this.

You have these moments where you just wish so badly you could fly through life like it was one big adventure. Everything was exciting; the good, the bad. Why can't I look at life like this? To be able to embrace the path that was not chosen by us, but rather designed by the ultimate Creator. I think in order to embrace this we must first embrace Him. To cling to God is to let go. To let go takes away anxiety. I think I have always looked at life as an exciting adventure in theory. Yet, when things actually get "interesting" I find myself latching on to these things in my life.

The interesting thing about these obsessions I cling to is that they don't bring joy to my life. What brings joy to our lives? It's people, love, laughter. As cliche as those things sound they are true, and wherever we are in life we can find them. Maybe it takes a violent storm to make us remember this. It takes a dramatic change for us to stop taking for granted the things around us that can really bring us joy in our lives. We all have our vices that we attempt to use to bring happiness. One of mine happens to be a controlled environment. I find myself thinking that if my life was more comfortable then I would be happier. When I find myself losing my happiness I search for these things more intensely. Luckily, where I find my happiness is, in fact, out of my control.

Trusting in God can be a scary thing; but it's a beautiful. So here's to the exciting journey we've all been, thankfully, thrust into! Hopefully, someday, I will be able to sit back, enjoy the ride, and stop trying to grab the steering wheel.