More than 750 millions regular users? Are you serious Facebook? What makes you so special? Why am I chronically checking it throughout the day? Why do we spend so much time and effort adding photos, posting, commenting, "liking" and everything else there is to do on this phenomenon?
Most likely, when future generations study our current culture Facebook will be a highlight of our age. When you think about it, it doesn't really make sense...or does it? Facebook creates an empty box...and the masses flock to spend hours populating it with content and updating it day after day creating one of the biggest pipelines for all things information. The concept is sometimes referred to as HTML 2.0. HTML 2.0 websites are frameworks created by web developers and users create and insert the content.
Somehow, Facebook has figured out how to get 23 hours a year from the average person for free...yes that's you. So what is driving this anomaly? I once read that society has created its culture around two things for generations and generations. 1. The desire to belong and 2. The desire to be significant. The simple fact is, Facebook hits these two things with chilling accuracy. Facebook ultimately is, an online tool for us to accomplish these two things.
Think about it, we use Facebook to publish our "stories" our lives to the masses. We send friend requests and create our "group." The acceptance of a friend request is someone saying "yes, I know you and you are part of my group." Then, we post photos and daily updates and other people "like" them and comment on them. Essentially telling us that "hey, I read that and I like it, I think your story is significant."
This concept taps into this deep desire we all have to be known. We want to scream to the world that we're different and unique. We try all the safe methods, dozens of unique shoes and clothes. The music we associate with. The way we talk. The blogs we write ;) We search high and low to find a safe way to be different...all the while staying safely within the box we call culture. Media screams at us to be "expressive"...so long as it falls within the guidelines of what is cool.
The burdens of what is acceptable and "hip" get heavier and heavier the older I get. Something inside me screams to leap into the unknown and discover who I really am and live it. I recently went to a music concert and lets just say I got really into the beats. In result I had people ask me if they could get some of my Ecstasy...I guess that's what I look like when my inhibitions are gone. I hate how society will box us up into pre-determined "people" based on how we express ourselves. When we see someone openly expressing what they feel we often attribute it to some drastic circumstance or drug.
Maybe someday I will gain the courage to say the true words on my heart and maybe someday I will learn how to tell the real story of my life...until then I'll attempt to reveal snippets in discreet corners and at dark concerts.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
Blue Like Jazz Excerpt
Recently I started wondering if we could actually change the world. I mean, of course we could - we could change our buying habits, elect socially conscious representatives and that sort of thing, but I honestly don't believe we will be solving the greater human conflict with our efforts. The problem is not a certain type of legislation or even a certain politician; the problem is the same that it has always been.
I am the problem.
I think every conscious person, every person who is awake to the functioning principles within his reality, has a moment where he stops blaming the problems in the world on group think, on humanity and authority, and starts to face himself. I hate this more than anything. This is the hardest principle within Christian spirituality for me to deal with. The problem is not out there; the problem is the needy beast of a thing that lives in my chest. More than my questions about the efficacy of social action were my questions about my own motives. Do I want social justice for the oppressed, or do I just want to be known as a socially active person?
I spend 95% of my time thinking about myself anyway. I don't have to watch the evening news to see that the world is bad, I only have to look at myself. I'm not brow-beating myself here; I am only saying that true change, true life-giving, God-honoring change would have to start with the individual.
Six billion people live in this world, and I can only muster thoughts for one.
Me.
--Donald Miller "Blue Like Jazz"
I am the problem.
I think every conscious person, every person who is awake to the functioning principles within his reality, has a moment where he stops blaming the problems in the world on group think, on humanity and authority, and starts to face himself. I hate this more than anything. This is the hardest principle within Christian spirituality for me to deal with. The problem is not out there; the problem is the needy beast of a thing that lives in my chest. More than my questions about the efficacy of social action were my questions about my own motives. Do I want social justice for the oppressed, or do I just want to be known as a socially active person?
I spend 95% of my time thinking about myself anyway. I don't have to watch the evening news to see that the world is bad, I only have to look at myself. I'm not brow-beating myself here; I am only saying that true change, true life-giving, God-honoring change would have to start with the individual.
Six billion people live in this world, and I can only muster thoughts for one.
Me.
--Donald Miller "Blue Like Jazz"
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
shiver
What is it about the human experience that causes people to become so connected? We share simple words and go to some places together, yet as I write that I myself get defensive and say "well, it's more than that!" Somehow going through life next to someone connects us on a deeper level. Somehow living life connects all of humanity. I reminisce back to old relationships and to this day I can still feel the loss of broken relationships. We possess some unique and mystical ability to connect to one another in a beautiful and deep way. Life has its way of often betraying that and ripping it to pieces. Even if it's what we want and we know its right...it somehow never feels good. You always seem to feel as if that person still possess a physical piece of your heart! Some might say that's the persons fault for not guarding their heart. I think it doesn't matter -- if you ever go through some of life with a friend and you lose that it's as if they have stolen some parts of your memory and ran off.
What a fragile world we live in, filled with people scarred from past losses and scared of future ones. We tip toe around and cross our fingers in the anticipation of it happening again. It controls the way we talk, the people we see, the words we use. To what great heights I would go to avoid a lost friend, to avoid a broken heart. The disasters of the past haunt me in my daydreams and the unknowable future stares me in the face as a subtle fear takes over.
People and relationships are a precious thing. The efforts and behaviors of the world show that our desire to be loved and to love drive our every risk. Some nights I sit and watch the sky and think to myself "the pain, the joy, the sorrow, the exhilaration of all this is the best story ever." I find myself wishing for my life to be pulled from the pages of an epic fiction novel. The only this comes true is for me to jump off the edge and engage in this world around me. The only way is to embrace those hard times and set my eyes on those good times. I've spent many a dark days having forgotten what this life is all about. It's not about having a hurt free life. It's about getting hurt...and then getting healed. It's about falling down only to be surrounded by a love we never thought possible. You know that feeling? The one where suddenly a shiver is sent down your spine and you feel this warmth. It's that feeling where a sunrise just isn't a sunrise--it's like you just got dropped in that movie you've always wanted to be in. Where you say to yourself "this is life, and even though it's hard...it's good." Embrace the hard times and look to the horizon and know with confidence that something amazing is waiting there...something more beautiful and good than you could ever dream up is just down the road.
What a fragile world we live in, filled with people scarred from past losses and scared of future ones. We tip toe around and cross our fingers in the anticipation of it happening again. It controls the way we talk, the people we see, the words we use. To what great heights I would go to avoid a lost friend, to avoid a broken heart. The disasters of the past haunt me in my daydreams and the unknowable future stares me in the face as a subtle fear takes over.
People and relationships are a precious thing. The efforts and behaviors of the world show that our desire to be loved and to love drive our every risk. Some nights I sit and watch the sky and think to myself "the pain, the joy, the sorrow, the exhilaration of all this is the best story ever." I find myself wishing for my life to be pulled from the pages of an epic fiction novel. The only this comes true is for me to jump off the edge and engage in this world around me. The only way is to embrace those hard times and set my eyes on those good times. I've spent many a dark days having forgotten what this life is all about. It's not about having a hurt free life. It's about getting hurt...and then getting healed. It's about falling down only to be surrounded by a love we never thought possible. You know that feeling? The one where suddenly a shiver is sent down your spine and you feel this warmth. It's that feeling where a sunrise just isn't a sunrise--it's like you just got dropped in that movie you've always wanted to be in. Where you say to yourself "this is life, and even though it's hard...it's good." Embrace the hard times and look to the horizon and know with confidence that something amazing is waiting there...something more beautiful and good than you could ever dream up is just down the road.
Monday, August 1, 2011
An Essay From Elbert Hubbard
Whenever you go out-of-doors, draw the chin in, carry the crown of the head high, and fill the lungs to the utmost; drink in the sunshine; greet your friends with a smile, and put soul into every handclasp. Do not fear being misunderstood and do not waste a minute thinking about your enemies. Try to fix firmly in your mind what you would like to do; and then, without veering off direction, you will move straight to the goal. Keep your mind on the great and splendid things you would like to do, and then, as the days go gliding away, you will find yourself unconsciously seizing upon the opportunities that are required for the fulfillment of your desire, just as the coral insect takes from the running tide the element it needs. Picture in your mind the able, earnest, useful person you desire to be, and the thought you hold is hourly transforming you into that particular individual...Thought is supreme. Preserve a right mental attitude--the attitude of courage, frankness, and good cheer. To think rightly is to create. All things come through desire and every sincere prayer is answered. We become like that on which our hearts are fixed. Carry your chin in and the crown of your head high. We are gods in the chrysalis.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Yeah...I blogged about how awesome dogs are...deal with it
Man's best friend.
I dreamt about my beloved dog last night, Buddy. Is it bad that quite often I miss my buddy more than anything else? I often find myself daydreaming about the two of us hiking through trails and exploring the woods. There’s something special about being with a dog in the outdoors – free to run and roam like they were born to do. There’s always something special about the devotion of a dog to their owner. Why is it that men feel such a connection with this animal? Why is it that so many of us connect with our canine friends on such a deep level?
I often have found myself talking to my dog when we are stretched out on the couch together watching TV late into the night. He just lays there and listens…seeming to understand everything I’m saying and feeling. I say anything cause I know he won’t judge me or leave me. Please note I find these things I’m saying to be a bit ridiculous but there’s some strong truths to the way a man can connect with his dog.
We go through our days trying to feel good enough for the people around us. We try to live in the box that people expect us to live in. We sit at a desk and talk nice and act polite. Yet, when we get home and trek out into the woods with our dogs all that ends. The only thing a dog cares about is that you’re there, and that we’re going to go on an adventure together! You can drive a $1000 car or a $70,000 car; it just doesn’t matter. All that dog wants is to spend time with you. All it wants in end is the same thing I find myself wanting…to be free….to be accepted…to be loved.
Every time I go home I know that on those steps wiggling around uncontrollably in excitement will be Buddy. He doesn’t care if he looks ridiculous or foolish; he’s too excited to see me to think about that. I can’t wait for the day I can have my dog at my house and everyday we can trek out and I can be reminded what the spirit of a man is supposed to feel like. Everyday I can remember that we were made for adventure. We were made to explore and not fit in a box but to break them.
So here’s to all my canine friends that will forever be waiting at the door and forever be heading down the trails and going through life with their devoted owners. And here’s to remembering the spirit of man – here’s to taking life on as we were meant to – with devotion, with love, with a wild heart and a free heart!
I dreamt about my beloved dog last night, Buddy. Is it bad that quite often I miss my buddy more than anything else? I often find myself daydreaming about the two of us hiking through trails and exploring the woods. There’s something special about being with a dog in the outdoors – free to run and roam like they were born to do. There’s always something special about the devotion of a dog to their owner. Why is it that men feel such a connection with this animal? Why is it that so many of us connect with our canine friends on such a deep level?
I often have found myself talking to my dog when we are stretched out on the couch together watching TV late into the night. He just lays there and listens…seeming to understand everything I’m saying and feeling. I say anything cause I know he won’t judge me or leave me. Please note I find these things I’m saying to be a bit ridiculous but there’s some strong truths to the way a man can connect with his dog.
We go through our days trying to feel good enough for the people around us. We try to live in the box that people expect us to live in. We sit at a desk and talk nice and act polite. Yet, when we get home and trek out into the woods with our dogs all that ends. The only thing a dog cares about is that you’re there, and that we’re going to go on an adventure together! You can drive a $1000 car or a $70,000 car; it just doesn’t matter. All that dog wants is to spend time with you. All it wants in end is the same thing I find myself wanting…to be free….to be accepted…to be loved.
Every time I go home I know that on those steps wiggling around uncontrollably in excitement will be Buddy. He doesn’t care if he looks ridiculous or foolish; he’s too excited to see me to think about that. I can’t wait for the day I can have my dog at my house and everyday we can trek out and I can be reminded what the spirit of a man is supposed to feel like. Everyday I can remember that we were made for adventure. We were made to explore and not fit in a box but to break them.
So here’s to all my canine friends that will forever be waiting at the door and forever be heading down the trails and going through life with their devoted owners. And here’s to remembering the spirit of man – here’s to taking life on as we were meant to – with devotion, with love, with a wild heart and a free heart!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
untitled
Anxiety. My most hated enemy lately. Nothing seems more crippling than anxiety to me. This thing about control, it seems to be coming out in me much more strongly. I have found myself to be tested time and time again. I have been thinking a lot about where this anxiety comes from in order to eliminate it. Luke 16 talks about this idea of how you cannot serve two masters. You can only be devoted to one. These areas that I find myself feeling anxious over, they're things I'm devoted. The whole concept of controlling my surroundings and feelings has become this idol to me. When things are ripped from my control I can't handle it because I cling to this.
You have these moments where you just wish so badly you could fly through life like it was one big adventure. Everything was exciting; the good, the bad. Why can't I look at life like this? To be able to embrace the path that was not chosen by us, but rather designed by the ultimate Creator. I think in order to embrace this we must first embrace Him. To cling to God is to let go. To let go takes away anxiety. I think I have always looked at life as an exciting adventure in theory. Yet, when things actually get "interesting" I find myself latching on to these things in my life.
The interesting thing about these obsessions I cling to is that they don't bring joy to my life. What brings joy to our lives? It's people, love, laughter. As cliche as those things sound they are true, and wherever we are in life we can find them. Maybe it takes a violent storm to make us remember this. It takes a dramatic change for us to stop taking for granted the things around us that can really bring us joy in our lives. We all have our vices that we attempt to use to bring happiness. One of mine happens to be a controlled environment. I find myself thinking that if my life was more comfortable then I would be happier. When I find myself losing my happiness I search for these things more intensely. Luckily, where I find my happiness is, in fact, out of my control.
Trusting in God can be a scary thing; but it's a beautiful. So here's to the exciting journey we've all been, thankfully, thrust into! Hopefully, someday, I will be able to sit back, enjoy the ride, and stop trying to grab the steering wheel.
You have these moments where you just wish so badly you could fly through life like it was one big adventure. Everything was exciting; the good, the bad. Why can't I look at life like this? To be able to embrace the path that was not chosen by us, but rather designed by the ultimate Creator. I think in order to embrace this we must first embrace Him. To cling to God is to let go. To let go takes away anxiety. I think I have always looked at life as an exciting adventure in theory. Yet, when things actually get "interesting" I find myself latching on to these things in my life.
The interesting thing about these obsessions I cling to is that they don't bring joy to my life. What brings joy to our lives? It's people, love, laughter. As cliche as those things sound they are true, and wherever we are in life we can find them. Maybe it takes a violent storm to make us remember this. It takes a dramatic change for us to stop taking for granted the things around us that can really bring us joy in our lives. We all have our vices that we attempt to use to bring happiness. One of mine happens to be a controlled environment. I find myself thinking that if my life was more comfortable then I would be happier. When I find myself losing my happiness I search for these things more intensely. Luckily, where I find my happiness is, in fact, out of my control.
Trusting in God can be a scary thing; but it's a beautiful. So here's to the exciting journey we've all been, thankfully, thrust into! Hopefully, someday, I will be able to sit back, enjoy the ride, and stop trying to grab the steering wheel.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Times
Have you ever driven past a car accident or a burning house and the only things that come to mind are how irritating it is that traffic is slow, or how they must be a bad person, or remember if we turned the burner off? It's so easy to go through life with blinders on. When it's convenient we care about things other than ourselves, but often that's just so we can feel good about ourselves. What is it to truly give up one's self? To go through life caring about others more than ourselves...can we do it? So often I live my life in an ignorant state. My daily trials revolve around wanting to sleep in and how I wish I could buy cars and toys.
As I drove home today I thought about an accident I had heard about on the freeway. People had to be airlifted off of the scene. In that moment it struck me that the people involved in those accidents have had their lives dramatically altered. In a split second everything has changed. No longer are they wishing they could buy a new car or have more spending money. But, maybe instead they're wishing they could say one last word to a father...a mother...a daughter. The things we count as important and necessary are so relative. Too often we fail to look around and realize that this life is fragile...it's hard. If we don't hang on to God and have a continual trust in him there will be a time when we get knocked down so hard we don't think we can make.
James 1:2 says "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." In good times this is such a hard concept to swallow, the idea that trials are going to come are way. In bad times words like these are what we cling to. How can we merge those two moments, the good and bad, so that our attitude in life is more consistent?
If you were to graph the time I spend with God in His word and in prayer it would be directly related to how difficult or painful my life is. If only I could always cling to Him. If only I could learn to always be looking to him for my joy, for my sustenance, for my peace. This is a work in progress...I have no answer to wrap up these thoughts. It's something that I have been struggling with for days now.
What I do know is that life is hard...it doesn't get easier. The more I learn to always be looking to God the more peaceful and content my life will be. I leave with some lyrics. This song has meant so much to me these last five weeks. If I can embrace the truths that are found in it I feel I will have taken a big step in my relationship with God.
"i hear you say "my love is over,
its underneath, its inside, its in between
the times you doubt me, when you can't feel
the times that you've questioned 'is this for real?'
the times you've broken, the times that you mend
the times you hate me and the times that you bend
well my love is over, its underneath
its inside, its in between,
these times you're healing
and when your heart breaks
the times that you feel like you've fallen from grace
the times you're hurting
the times that you heal
the times you go hungry and *are tempted* to steal
in times of confusion and chaos and pain
im there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame
im there through your heartache
im there in the storm
my love i will keep you by my power alone
i dont care where you've fallen, where you have been
i'll never forsake you
my love never ends, it never ends"
-Tenth Avenue North "Times"
As I drove home today I thought about an accident I had heard about on the freeway. People had to be airlifted off of the scene. In that moment it struck me that the people involved in those accidents have had their lives dramatically altered. In a split second everything has changed. No longer are they wishing they could buy a new car or have more spending money. But, maybe instead they're wishing they could say one last word to a father...a mother...a daughter. The things we count as important and necessary are so relative. Too often we fail to look around and realize that this life is fragile...it's hard. If we don't hang on to God and have a continual trust in him there will be a time when we get knocked down so hard we don't think we can make.
James 1:2 says "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." In good times this is such a hard concept to swallow, the idea that trials are going to come are way. In bad times words like these are what we cling to. How can we merge those two moments, the good and bad, so that our attitude in life is more consistent?
If you were to graph the time I spend with God in His word and in prayer it would be directly related to how difficult or painful my life is. If only I could always cling to Him. If only I could learn to always be looking to him for my joy, for my sustenance, for my peace. This is a work in progress...I have no answer to wrap up these thoughts. It's something that I have been struggling with for days now.
What I do know is that life is hard...it doesn't get easier. The more I learn to always be looking to God the more peaceful and content my life will be. I leave with some lyrics. This song has meant so much to me these last five weeks. If I can embrace the truths that are found in it I feel I will have taken a big step in my relationship with God.
"i hear you say "my love is over,
its underneath, its inside, its in between
the times you doubt me, when you can't feel
the times that you've questioned 'is this for real?'
the times you've broken, the times that you mend
the times you hate me and the times that you bend
well my love is over, its underneath
its inside, its in between,
these times you're healing
and when your heart breaks
the times that you feel like you've fallen from grace
the times you're hurting
the times that you heal
the times you go hungry and *are tempted* to steal
in times of confusion and chaos and pain
im there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame
im there through your heartache
im there in the storm
my love i will keep you by my power alone
i dont care where you've fallen, where you have been
i'll never forsake you
my love never ends, it never ends"
-Tenth Avenue North "Times"
Friday, April 22, 2011
Simplicity
On my drive home the other night I was thinking through all of my favorite words...cliche and overused; yet to me they all have such powerful meanings behind them. Hope, faith, love, trust, joy, peace, beauty. Such simple words with such beautiful meanings behind them. I love simple. I think life can be so much more simple than we make it. In our human determination to understand everything and be "intelligent" we complicate life. When the solution is simple we over think it. In an attempt to flex our "intelligence" we give complicated explanations and reasoning. How often though...can life be explained in the simplest of terms.
Do you ever think about something that's bothering you and your head just starts to ache and you get all confused? Or you try to figure out things about God that maybe you have no right thinking you can understand? Often when I go those places I'm left confused and full of questions that I wish I didn't have. But when I embrace the simplicity of following Jesus life all of the sudden seems to make sense. I don't have to know everything. All I have to do is trust and follow.
We all long for this freedom. The freedom to let go and live life. To travel on the journey of life and embrace the beautiful parts and the sad parts. This is simple. To love people and put them before yourself...this is simple. I've been challenging myself lately to not only give up my quest to control my life...but my quest to understand everything along the way. As children how often were we asking our parents why and getting all mad cause we didn't understand? As a parent they wished we would just trust them...and know that someday they would understand, but they're too young right now. I think we do this so much as Christians, we feel like we have to understand everything about God and the life he has for us. You ever think he isn't saying "just trust me! someday (heaven) you will understand!" Enter the human condition...the obsession with knowledge. The drive to know everything, and to have the right answer for everything.
I say, lets do a little less searching for the answer and a little more trusting. I say let's let go and see what happens...lets enjoy the amazing adventure we're on. I say...let's keep things simple.
Do you ever think about something that's bothering you and your head just starts to ache and you get all confused? Or you try to figure out things about God that maybe you have no right thinking you can understand? Often when I go those places I'm left confused and full of questions that I wish I didn't have. But when I embrace the simplicity of following Jesus life all of the sudden seems to make sense. I don't have to know everything. All I have to do is trust and follow.
We all long for this freedom. The freedom to let go and live life. To travel on the journey of life and embrace the beautiful parts and the sad parts. This is simple. To love people and put them before yourself...this is simple. I've been challenging myself lately to not only give up my quest to control my life...but my quest to understand everything along the way. As children how often were we asking our parents why and getting all mad cause we didn't understand? As a parent they wished we would just trust them...and know that someday they would understand, but they're too young right now. I think we do this so much as Christians, we feel like we have to understand everything about God and the life he has for us. You ever think he isn't saying "just trust me! someday (heaven) you will understand!" Enter the human condition...the obsession with knowledge. The drive to know everything, and to have the right answer for everything.
I say, lets do a little less searching for the answer and a little more trusting. I say let's let go and see what happens...lets enjoy the amazing adventure we're on. I say...let's keep things simple.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Coming Home
Life has a way of slapping us in the face sometimes…at times it feels more like a punch in the face. Falling to the ground afterwards wondering what just happened can be some of the most painful and confusing times of our lives. The questions of what happened to the life I loved and why is life so discouraging now. The fear of growing older doesn’t seem to go away. When you’re in a chapter of life you think the next chapter will be so much better than the one your in. Yet, we don’t foresee the trials and challenges that will meet us head on.
The last few days of my life have been some of the most challenging ones. I have never experienced as much anxiety in my life. The questions of where will my happiness come from now and the feeling that life just lost a lot of its excitement. I wish I could say that I’m over it but I’m not. After six nights I finally slept more than three hours; yet, when I woke up I had such a strong feeling of hopelessness. My life has literally been clinging to the promises and words of God. I have no doubt in my mind that my life is being changed right now…I have no doubt that when I look back on this time I will be blown away by how my life was transformed. But this knowledge and recognition does not change the fact that this time is painful. The hurt is real, the frustration is real and the deep deep emptiness I feel at times is not something I can just pray away. This has been one of the most challenging parts of this time. When bad things happen we often tend to try and pray them away. When we feel in pain we pray that the pain will go away…when it doesn’t we question the love and promises of God.
Through some friends and people in my life that have been amazing during this time I have learned that trials are not solved. Pain is not just cured. Prayer is not meant to be something that we use to wish away hard times. I have learned that God calls us to trust him. His promises are that He will be by our side during and through pain. His promises are that if we trust in Him, He will lead us out. He doesn’t say cry out to me and I will make it all better. The Bible says many times that following the path God has for us will be hard. We will fall down, we will feel discouraged, we will feel pain…but the important part is that all the while God will be the one who is carrying us on His back when we can’t go further. In the moment we don’t see it because our world is falling apart around us, but in hindsight we see how God came through for us, we see the beauty of His amazing, unfailing love, and we see the value in living a life bigger than ourselves. We see the value of doing hard things and following God. Stepping out will never be easy but the rewards are incomparable to anything else; this is something we have to believe in when we are in the hard times. We have to trust God that He is doing something amazing in our lives. These are the things we cling to when everything else in life is falling apart.
When we put our faith and trust in God, no matter how deep the pit we are in there will always be a light from above…there will always be the unfailing promise that we will have victory…because our life is not defined by the things of this earth.
Our lives are defined by eternity where are promises that the battle is already won…the pain is already overcome. When we begin to let go of our crutches here on earth and begin to run towards Him we will embark on a new journey…a scary journey. The trials will be great, but the rewards will be greater. The pain will be incredible but the hope will overcome. The cries will be the loudest but the joys will be greater than anything we thought we could experience. The Christian life is not the easiest, it is a hard life. However, the Christian life is the most exciting life. It is the most rewarding life. It is the most fulfilling, the most impactful, the most hopeful and the most joyous life.
So, as all of the safety nets of my life have fallen away, I have been forced to fully and completely trust in God for the first time in my life. It has been, and is the most frightening and difficult time in my life. But already it is apparent to me that I will never again be the person I was before. I feel like I have fallen in a pit, but the light from above has never been brighter, this alone makes it all worth it.
(written while stranded on the freeway…funny how moments like these get us thinking – inspired by Armin Van Buuren “Coming Home”)
The last few days of my life have been some of the most challenging ones. I have never experienced as much anxiety in my life. The questions of where will my happiness come from now and the feeling that life just lost a lot of its excitement. I wish I could say that I’m over it but I’m not. After six nights I finally slept more than three hours; yet, when I woke up I had such a strong feeling of hopelessness. My life has literally been clinging to the promises and words of God. I have no doubt in my mind that my life is being changed right now…I have no doubt that when I look back on this time I will be blown away by how my life was transformed. But this knowledge and recognition does not change the fact that this time is painful. The hurt is real, the frustration is real and the deep deep emptiness I feel at times is not something I can just pray away. This has been one of the most challenging parts of this time. When bad things happen we often tend to try and pray them away. When we feel in pain we pray that the pain will go away…when it doesn’t we question the love and promises of God.
Through some friends and people in my life that have been amazing during this time I have learned that trials are not solved. Pain is not just cured. Prayer is not meant to be something that we use to wish away hard times. I have learned that God calls us to trust him. His promises are that He will be by our side during and through pain. His promises are that if we trust in Him, He will lead us out. He doesn’t say cry out to me and I will make it all better. The Bible says many times that following the path God has for us will be hard. We will fall down, we will feel discouraged, we will feel pain…but the important part is that all the while God will be the one who is carrying us on His back when we can’t go further. In the moment we don’t see it because our world is falling apart around us, but in hindsight we see how God came through for us, we see the beauty of His amazing, unfailing love, and we see the value in living a life bigger than ourselves. We see the value of doing hard things and following God. Stepping out will never be easy but the rewards are incomparable to anything else; this is something we have to believe in when we are in the hard times. We have to trust God that He is doing something amazing in our lives. These are the things we cling to when everything else in life is falling apart.
When we put our faith and trust in God, no matter how deep the pit we are in there will always be a light from above…there will always be the unfailing promise that we will have victory…because our life is not defined by the things of this earth.
Our lives are defined by eternity where are promises that the battle is already won…the pain is already overcome. When we begin to let go of our crutches here on earth and begin to run towards Him we will embark on a new journey…a scary journey. The trials will be great, but the rewards will be greater. The pain will be incredible but the hope will overcome. The cries will be the loudest but the joys will be greater than anything we thought we could experience. The Christian life is not the easiest, it is a hard life. However, the Christian life is the most exciting life. It is the most rewarding life. It is the most fulfilling, the most impactful, the most hopeful and the most joyous life.
So, as all of the safety nets of my life have fallen away, I have been forced to fully and completely trust in God for the first time in my life. It has been, and is the most frightening and difficult time in my life. But already it is apparent to me that I will never again be the person I was before. I feel like I have fallen in a pit, but the light from above has never been brighter, this alone makes it all worth it.
(written while stranded on the freeway…funny how moments like these get us thinking – inspired by Armin Van Buuren “Coming Home”)
Sunday, March 20, 2011
spring fever
Why is it that with the coming of spring weather we see the coming of happiness again? Is winter just that bad? With the warm sun rays on our face again after a long six months apart it seems as if optimism creeps back into our hearts...at least for awhile. The things that bring us inspiration and temporary happiness are a little strange when you think of them. The odd tones of music that can cause people to do wild things and encourage people to fall in love. The simple change in air temperature...when a rain drop hits our face just right...when a snowflake falls at just the right pace. These things seem to strike a special chord in our hearts...and with the flip of a switch that warm feeling of hope floods into our veins.
This spring marks a significant point in my journey. A year ago I set out on a rather risky and daring adventure to intentionally work to change my life and what I lived for. For the next year I went through a self-induced identity crisis. I prayed for the things I grasped on to for my identity to be stripped from me. What followed was the sometimes violent process of understanding that things here on earth do not make me...me. At times over the last year I have felt more alone than I ever have. Yet, coming out of that time I am beginning to experience what I wanted so badly a year ago...peace. I wanted so badly to be ok with where my life was at. Last year I found myself always dissatisfied with how my life was turning out. I wanted the "love of my life" to magically appear before me...yet all along...the true love of my life was there. The true love of my life was calling my name, and I sensed it. In my head I knew where my hope and happiness needed to come from. I knew who I needed to fall in love with. I knew the man I wanted to become. I had no idea how to get there though. So I stepped off the cliff. For months I fell in this epic plunge of rediscovery. I hit the bottom and to my surprise, I felt the bottom and it was painful. As I clambered around trying to figure out how to get back up to the top I felt the true pains of the promises of this world failing me. Slowly I was led to the top.
Through this climb I uncovered places in my heart I had never gone before. Painful parts. But I learned something so important; unless we unearth our buried pains and feel them for what they are. Unless we understand them and allow ourselves to hurt and cry over them we will never overcome them. Forever they will haunt us, controlling the way we live our lives. The way we interact with people. If we really want to change we have to cry, we have to hurt, we have to be angry. We have to be willing to go and face our worst fears...the secrets of our past. When we enter into those painful places we begin to truly understand what real grace is and what an amazing love our Father has for us. These moments will change us forever.
Through this hard time I discovered the true love I was so desperately searching for. And I feel I am beginning to become the man I want to be; a man who can embrace and feel God's unfathomable grace and love. When this is glimpsed and embraced...our lives can never be the same. So this spring, I am not inspired by the warm sun or the melting snow or singing birds; this spring I am inspired by looking back and seeing how my Father answered his child's desperate plea for change...for this, I am forever thankful and forever inspired.
This spring marks a significant point in my journey. A year ago I set out on a rather risky and daring adventure to intentionally work to change my life and what I lived for. For the next year I went through a self-induced identity crisis. I prayed for the things I grasped on to for my identity to be stripped from me. What followed was the sometimes violent process of understanding that things here on earth do not make me...me. At times over the last year I have felt more alone than I ever have. Yet, coming out of that time I am beginning to experience what I wanted so badly a year ago...peace. I wanted so badly to be ok with where my life was at. Last year I found myself always dissatisfied with how my life was turning out. I wanted the "love of my life" to magically appear before me...yet all along...the true love of my life was there. The true love of my life was calling my name, and I sensed it. In my head I knew where my hope and happiness needed to come from. I knew who I needed to fall in love with. I knew the man I wanted to become. I had no idea how to get there though. So I stepped off the cliff. For months I fell in this epic plunge of rediscovery. I hit the bottom and to my surprise, I felt the bottom and it was painful. As I clambered around trying to figure out how to get back up to the top I felt the true pains of the promises of this world failing me. Slowly I was led to the top.
Through this climb I uncovered places in my heart I had never gone before. Painful parts. But I learned something so important; unless we unearth our buried pains and feel them for what they are. Unless we understand them and allow ourselves to hurt and cry over them we will never overcome them. Forever they will haunt us, controlling the way we live our lives. The way we interact with people. If we really want to change we have to cry, we have to hurt, we have to be angry. We have to be willing to go and face our worst fears...the secrets of our past. When we enter into those painful places we begin to truly understand what real grace is and what an amazing love our Father has for us. These moments will change us forever.
Through this hard time I discovered the true love I was so desperately searching for. And I feel I am beginning to become the man I want to be; a man who can embrace and feel God's unfathomable grace and love. When this is glimpsed and embraced...our lives can never be the same. So this spring, I am not inspired by the warm sun or the melting snow or singing birds; this spring I am inspired by looking back and seeing how my Father answered his child's desperate plea for change...for this, I am forever thankful and forever inspired.
Monday, February 14, 2011
An Idea
Do you ever have an idea that’s been hammered at you since the as long as you can remember? Then, all of the sudden it hits you square in the face, and as you look back you can see the progression through conversations, moments and attitudes that led up to this point. It’s so simple you just can’t comprehend why you haven’t seen it in this light before.
Ever since I was young I have heard about the importance of loving people. I have heard about how I am supposed to follow the Bible and love my neighbor and love my enemy. None of this seemed to be real to me though. It was all “Bible times” stuff to me. I guess you could say the words living to me like they should be. Looking back I guess when people talked about the “living” word I just figured it meant it always applied to the present. I’m starting to see now that it’s not merely a referral to how to apply. The words in this book are alive in that they are meant to be a part of who we are every day, every breath. The words are alive because they carry more meaning than just a way to live life…these words offer the key to life itself. In the past I have always looked at it as a “guidebook” or an “answer book” and a lot people had taught this concept. I’m starting to realize that the Bible should never be merely a book about how to live. This book holds the secrets to the questions everyone in life is dying to know. Who am I and what in the world am I supposed to do with my life. We all wish we really knew ourselves. We all wished we could feel passionate about our life the same way we think others feel passionate about theirs.
I recently had a conversation with my parents over breakfast. Once again my arrogant attitude came up as I revealed (not on purpose) that I am even prideful about my weaknesses. In the moment, it was just another speech I had made up to cover the reality of my life. On my inside I scream for someone to know the deeper parts of me, but my outside responds with a canned speech about how I have it all figured out. Or how I have it all figured out that I don’t have it figured out…so really I have it figured out. It is just me making sure I control the conversation again. My worst fear and my greatest desire is that someone will ask me a question that knocks me off balance and forces me to reveal my heart.
Our conversation was about how I choose to not to hang out or associate myself with certain people because they aren’t like me. I gave various reasons like how it’s just human nature to associate with those who share similar personalities. As I finished an amazing book I have been reading tonight (“Who Stole My Church”) I was struck by a story of a broken man that the people in the book encountered in their church. This man transformed the way they looked at their church and their role in it. I found myself eating up every word of this story and my heart longed to be able to impact someone like these people were. I thought to myself “if only I could make an impact on someone’s life.” Then it hit me, I had that moment where that simple idea became real to me. These people were exercising our purpose on this earth, they were loving a broken man, a reject just like Jesus loved people. Now, we have all heard this over and over and probably can all talk about how this is our purpose to love people. I myself have talked like this. But never before has it actually taken form in my mind where I began to picture the faces of people. So many people I have written off because they dress weird, or talk weird, or look social awkward. Then I would turn around and talk about how I wish I could make an impact on hurting people. As I write this I shake my head. I was so blind because I wasn’t willing to actually put myself in a situation where this could happen. I didn’t want to be uncomfortable. I didn’t want to associate myself with “uncool” people. Yet, discovering the hearts of these broken people are what life is all about. You want a life of fulfillment and passion, risk yourself for someone else and see true change. Share your brokenness and watch how the love of Jesus can miraculously enter into that place and rescue a life. I pray tonight that I can change my attitude. I want to see people for who they are…precious children of God. I want to see my life taken over and used for something meaningful. I want my pride and judgments to give way to a love so powerful it can change and heal the most broken heart. To truly love one another…my purpose…my life…my joy.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
untitled
There's something about waiting. It feels like a time when we are enduring the worst moments, to get to the best moments. There's nothing worse than waiting for something that isn't anything yet. It forces us to look at the now. To live in the now. When life feels stagnant our inner immaturities and unrests seem to come up. Discontent floats in because nobody ever writes in moments like these into their life scripts. The stories in our heads are full of excitement and movement. In our "ideal" stories we never have to stop and look at the reality of our lives. We are never forced to look at the parts of ourselves we don't like. We don't have time to discover that this isn't the way we wanted to be. In our "perfect" worlds there isn't time to think about how things didn't turn out how we wanted.
Inside I want to be ok with someone writing my own story. But the fact is when someone else is writing our story we have to live through the parts we don't like. The downs don't come when when we want them to or when we feel ready for them. Sometimes I feel stuck in a world out of my control and I desperately want to change it. There's times when I'm not ok with not being in control. In my head I can see how my life could be. Then reality strikes and there's no way for me to get there if I wanted to.
Books and stories make life seem like a fairytale. Who doesn't want a fairytale for their own lives. The problem sets in when our focus becomes how our life isn't that fairytale. It's only natural that a part of us longs for something different; for something better than this. When you aren't busy and when there isn't anything to look forward to we can't be distracted from this fact of life. When busyness sets in we don't look at the weakness of ourselves. It's nights like these where all I want to do is drift away in the dreams of my music. Where the melodies seem to bring me one step closer to the one thing I can't have here...a perfect life...a perfect moment. I often wonder if our inspirations in life often are things we can't attain here. Our dreams are things that will never be fully achieved. Maybe our lives our spent chasing. What we chase after, defines the course of our life. It's like we're chasing after that one last thing that will fix us. Everyone feels this, a feeling that something just isn't right. Like our lives are missing something; some mystery. Our dreams and our hopes revolve around what we feel will bring us to a place of completeness. A place of perfection. Where every morning we wake up and feel full, alive, loved, at peace...complete.
As I thought about what I would like to do for the rest of my life I have had a strong feeling towards traveling. Sometimes I wonder if I love to drive because I have this sense that what I am looking for is out there, here on this earth. And someday, I'll find it. It's an illusion that I long to chase. The challenging part in life is directing my heart to search not here; but to search above. Everything in my mind is telling me that this car, or that job, or that girl will fill me; will complete me. Yet, something in my heart whispers that my flesh lies. It whispers that my heart and soul don't belong here on earth. I'm not destined to be here. I sense this will be my life struggle. To learn how to listen to that whisper and live by it. The struggle to put my faith in something I can't see. The struggle to resist satisfying the here and now instead of focusing on looking to the future.
So, as the days roll by I hope to find purpose in not what I do, but in who I am. I feel that somewhere locked inside me resides the person I long to become. A full person, a person who listens to the whispers, a person who can embrace the life I was meant to live, and to live the way it was meant to be lived. Life can be beautiful...I guess it's just how we choose to look at it. Life may not be a fairytale, but it can certainly be a great story. A story filled with wild adventures. I just hope these pages will turn a little faster.
Inside I want to be ok with someone writing my own story. But the fact is when someone else is writing our story we have to live through the parts we don't like. The downs don't come when when we want them to or when we feel ready for them. Sometimes I feel stuck in a world out of my control and I desperately want to change it. There's times when I'm not ok with not being in control. In my head I can see how my life could be. Then reality strikes and there's no way for me to get there if I wanted to.
Books and stories make life seem like a fairytale. Who doesn't want a fairytale for their own lives. The problem sets in when our focus becomes how our life isn't that fairytale. It's only natural that a part of us longs for something different; for something better than this. When you aren't busy and when there isn't anything to look forward to we can't be distracted from this fact of life. When busyness sets in we don't look at the weakness of ourselves. It's nights like these where all I want to do is drift away in the dreams of my music. Where the melodies seem to bring me one step closer to the one thing I can't have here...a perfect life...a perfect moment. I often wonder if our inspirations in life often are things we can't attain here. Our dreams are things that will never be fully achieved. Maybe our lives our spent chasing. What we chase after, defines the course of our life. It's like we're chasing after that one last thing that will fix us. Everyone feels this, a feeling that something just isn't right. Like our lives are missing something; some mystery. Our dreams and our hopes revolve around what we feel will bring us to a place of completeness. A place of perfection. Where every morning we wake up and feel full, alive, loved, at peace...complete.
As I thought about what I would like to do for the rest of my life I have had a strong feeling towards traveling. Sometimes I wonder if I love to drive because I have this sense that what I am looking for is out there, here on this earth. And someday, I'll find it. It's an illusion that I long to chase. The challenging part in life is directing my heart to search not here; but to search above. Everything in my mind is telling me that this car, or that job, or that girl will fill me; will complete me. Yet, something in my heart whispers that my flesh lies. It whispers that my heart and soul don't belong here on earth. I'm not destined to be here. I sense this will be my life struggle. To learn how to listen to that whisper and live by it. The struggle to put my faith in something I can't see. The struggle to resist satisfying the here and now instead of focusing on looking to the future.
So, as the days roll by I hope to find purpose in not what I do, but in who I am. I feel that somewhere locked inside me resides the person I long to become. A full person, a person who listens to the whispers, a person who can embrace the life I was meant to live, and to live the way it was meant to be lived. Life can be beautiful...I guess it's just how we choose to look at it. Life may not be a fairytale, but it can certainly be a great story. A story filled with wild adventures. I just hope these pages will turn a little faster.
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